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Home / Uncategorized / In this tutorial we have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

In this tutorial we have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

In this tutorial we have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

First you can easily browse the essay, and directly after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered in addition to sentence when you look at the essay happens to be colour coded to correspond towards the fours marking criteria used because of the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial will help you understand:

  • How an essay gets a Band 7
  • What sentence structures and language becomes necessary for a Band 7
  • How you can link ideas smoothly

The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people at the present time. Perform some advantages of the situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is well known that some countries have a population with more young people than old people. Even this fact might have both pros and cons, i think the positive implications of experiencing a youthful population over-weigh the negative ones. This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one side, having more younger people can lead to deficiencies in professionals within the society. Older population may be more educated than the young one, this will be being why they usually have had more hours to review a career that is professional their lives. As an example, to become a professional physician it is needed at the very least 10 years of university studies and also this might not be able for a young adult yet. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s might have been through a complete lot in life and they may become more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This might help to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations are going to have higher rate of crime, this could be because young people have significantly more energy to commit crime than old people. A study through the University of Chile revealed that within the south of Chile, in which the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice greater than into the north where the majority of the population where within their 50’s and older.

On the other hand, youthful populations come in general more energetic and more happy. This may be them to work more and maintain them-self more active because they have less old age-associated illness leading. Contributing to the fact that healthy people can perhaps work more efficiently, with this they are able to play a role in the economy of this country, earning money in the place of spending. By way of example, it is a fact that old societies spend a lot of income in health for their old citizens. Another positive aspect of having adult that is young is there are more likelihood of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more time and more energy than old individuals to practice and become an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer all of the players retires from their soccer-career if they turn thirty yrs . old. With old people there is no right time for you to start a hobby career. And last but not least, young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This might be since they are more proactive in organize those activities and also prone to participate in them. Old people can be too tired to go out.

The disadvantages to conclude with the arguments given above, I firmly believe that the advantages of youthful population. Despite the fact that, there are several positive facets of having an older population
that people should consider.

It really is well known that some countries have a population with an increase of young adults than old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this fact could have both pros and cons, In (GR1) my opinion the positive implications of getting a population that is youthful the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the benefits and drawbacks (LR1) giving examples to aid both point of view.

TR1 – Good to begin by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your usage of punctuation.
TR2– good to clearly state your opinion.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. You will need to vary your use of vocabulary when you can.

On one side (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people can lead to a lack of professionals within the society. Older population may be more educated as compared to young one, this is certainly being why LR2 that is( they have had additional time to analyze a specialist career during their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to become a specialist physician it is needed at the very least a decade of university studies and this may not be able for a young adult yet (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) might have been through a lot in life (LR5) in addition they may be more willing to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This could make it possible to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will likely have high rate of crime, this could be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A study from the University of Chile (TR5) showed that into the south of Chile, where in actuality the population is mostly young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice greater than in the north where all of the population where in their 50’s and older.

CC2 – an phrase that is appropriate introduce very first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 – life (singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an illustration.
TR4 – Good to incorporate an illustration to guide your idea.
GR3 – some nagging problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at least… and young adults have never yet had time to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a little regarding the side that is informal but lovely natural utilization of language.
TR5 – Again, good to utilize examples to aid your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a relative clause.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – together with noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other side hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations have been in general more vigorous and more happy. This can be because (CC5) they usually have less old illness that is age-associated them to focus more and maintain them-self more active (LR7) . Contributing to the fact that healthy people can work more efficiently, with this they are able to play a role in the economy for the country, making money in the place of spending (GR4) . For instance, it is a fact that old societies spend a lot of income in health due to their citizens that are oldLR8) . Another positive facet of having young adult populations is that there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more some time more energy than
old individuals to practice and become an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer all the players retires (GR5) https://essay-911.com from their soccer-career if they turn thirty yrs . old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no right time for you to start an activity career. And last but not least (CC6) , young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities for the community. This could be because they’re more proactive in organize those activities as well as almost certainly going to take part in them. Old people could be too tired to go out.

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